Behind the Scenes, Working Women and the Struggle to Submit at Home

All the women who are independent throw your hands up and tell the truth. In the ‘Black’ community there is a long-standing much-contested statistic that states, 70% of professional ‘black’ women are single. Does more independence equal fewer opportunities for stable marriages and long-term relationship, if so why? Women are the number one consumers of a plethora of products for looking better, feeling younger, having a beautiful home and preserving her femininity. She is a target for marketers because she is willing to buy into ideas that reaffirm her womanhood and purpose.

In the case of education both men and women were sold on and have bought into the idea of  higher education being the key to success. A college degree is said to automatically equal more opportunities, happiness and a better quality of life. According to the National Center for Educational Statistics over the past forty-three years ‘black’ women’s enrollment in degree-granting post educational institutions has increased 19.8% while their male counterparts have increased 13%. Even more telling is the advancement of melinated women towards higher learning and the point where she surpassed her male counterpart educationally. Bear with me as we take a look at a few more numbers when the study started in 1972 more melinated men  in colleges than women, there was a gap of 5.2%.

In 1975 ‘black’ women surpassed their men by 0.9% and throughout the years the enrollment has fluctuated sometimes reaching a high of 10% at the turn of the millennium, I wonder if the ‘end of the world thing’ had anything to do with it. Any who, according to the study, the female college takeover also spilled into other ethnic groups, in the 1982 Hispanic women educationally surpassed their male counter parts and in 1991 ‘white’ women did the same.

So what if anything does this mean, how does entering into the corporate space at high levels affect the woman’s ability to submit at home?

In an article titled The Reason 70% of Black Women are Single author J.J Smith says this;

“I had to LEARN that just because I was running things at work, didn’t mean I was going to run things with my man. So, I had to “check my attitude” at the door when dealing with my black man. Maybe a man really needs to be the head of the household, and if you don’t trust that he can be, then leave him alone and move on.”

The career women who desires to play the lead in a man’s world must adopt male characteristics and energy to get ahead. Submission is soft and perceived as a weak feminine quality, money earning and the ability to provide is empowering. It is often said by many women, “I make my own money, pay my own bills, I don’t need a man.” If the idea of providing for one self is equated with not needing a male counterpart to meet that need it will stand to reason that she doesn’t have enough reason to submit to him either.

Submission, if this word creates images of abuse, exploitation and misogyny then understand that is a conversation that we can have at another time. The purpose of this article is to look at the correlation between, career women and their ability/inability to submit in their personal relationships. In truth both men and women have no problem submitting if it means getting what they want. In the case of having entered the traditional workforce, there are a number of things and people one has to submit to on an ongoing basis. To get the job most people have to submit an application, when they get the job they have to submit time cards, submit to take vacations and even the schedule that your boss has outlined is a point that requires submission. I have had this conversation in other spaces of which I will share in a moment, but when I first introduced this thought a few people dismissed these examples as not being the type of submission that a husband desires from his wife.

Am I saying that the man is the boss and the woman is his employee; no but what I am saying is that it becomes difficult to be submissive at work and at home all at the time. Position and perception effects willingness to give others power over us. We  challenge others who we feel doesn’t have the right to tell us what to do.  If the women earn more, have more say and power than  men in society it then becomes unnatural  for her to automatically submit to him. No I am not trying to send women back to the Stone Age, nor am I advocating for her to dim her light in favor of  stroking his ego, but I am saying there is a correlation between the two.

J.J Smith addresses the Angry Black Woman Stereotype and the way it affects how other especially the melinated man perceives her. In response to melinated women attempting to be the boss at home and abroad she shares this antidote,

“A wise man once told me that anything with two heads is a monster, so only 1 can be head of the household, and for me, I prefer it to be my man.”

About a month ago Iposed this question to my social media friends and the responses were telling.

For some, the man being the head was ideal but not realistic because the way their bills are set up, groceries and overtime are more rewarding than listening to their husband about coming home early. The reality is that as a provider if the husband is not able to sufficiently provide then, “whoever puts the most money in a women’s pocketbook tends to receive the lion’s share of submission.” This comment above was given from one of the male commenters on the thread.

The women answered that balancing home and work is difficult, they often have to sacrifice their home life in order to provide for their families. The men even in the face of the current economic situation seem to think that the women should/could work but still needs to balance that with respect and submission as a man just because he has XY Chromosomes.  Hum, we may have to discuss that one in length at another time. None-the-less there are many  factors that add to the woman’s struggle to submit, a major one in today’s space and time seems to be her desire/need to do his job for him.

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About Author
Emunah Y’srael is an expert in DIY Soul Improvement with over 20 years actively dedicated to her own soul journey. She is the creator of the a myriad of self-improvement projects. Emunah has authored to date four books, all available on amazon.
For question or comments on the contents of this article feel free to reach out:  @emunah_ysrael or

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